11-18-10
Resources for trafficked victims began to grow when the awareness and education about Human Trafficking started, however there still lack housing resources and adequate counseling for victims of severe trauma. I am pleased to see the growing number of resources available, however I would not trade the help I received from the people who have done their best to assist me in my journey to cope. It was definitely a trial and error moment from the late 1990’s through mid 2000’s, we’ve all done our share of finding what works and what doesn't work. I even got involved in joining an outreach group, I’ve volunteered in rescues, assistance and helping victims find places to stay and when I got to be on the other side, it helped me to appreciate the advocates, abolitionist and ministry leaders who’ve worked so tirelessly in finding additional resources for us victims and survivors. We don’t give them enough credit, while we have big institutions like United Way, Polaris Project, Shared Hope and Susan G. Komen who utilize the funds for the very purpose it was intended for. I personally don’t believe in Executive Directors making a six figure salary, while their staff who are on the front lines make lower wages. I believe all those who work hard to help their constituents should be paid a comfortable salary not (surviving salary) where you have to still apply for government assistance, no that is bullshit to me. If you don’t want to do the work to help the people that need it, then compensate those who are willing to do the work and pay them comfortably. When we face financial hardship it doesn’t just resonate in our personal lives, but the lives we interact on a daily basis.
One thing I never understood in the Nonprofit/Ministry world, is the criticism. It’s left unspoken and no one wants to acknowledge the ‘red flags’ that exist in these social services. I’m not here to preach that we should eliminate these organizations, what I am advocating is positive change especially when it causes further harm on our constituents that we are trying to serve. I've been in so many shelters, I was the shelter hopper from Domestic Violence to Transitional Shelters from the West coast to the East Coast and in between and what I’ve seen in these shelters is the ongoing abuse of authority, favoritism and bureaucracy bullshit. I’m not going to hold my tongue back, because this needs to be brought up. The biggest problem I’ve seen is their version of ‘grievance sheet’ they put in your intake folder. What’s the use of having these if they’re not taken into consideration for the safety of the constituent? Let me put it to you bluntly.
I stayed at a Domestic Violence long term housing and I was already seeing a female therapist through MHMR, when one of the advocates wanted to be nosey about my therapy session they changed protocol and told me 8 months after I had been in their housing that the policy for seeing a therapist had changed without notice. I was put in a situation where I was ‘forced’ to see their therapist and if I disagreed with their policy, I had to move. What kind of bullshit is that? At that time, I was homeless with my son. What other option did I have at that moment? So, guess what I did? I chose their assigned therapist who happens to be a man.
The first few sessions I had with him had to be after business hours and he had the privilege to go to our housing unit to knock on my apartment door instead of calling me to meet him in the lobby. From my understanding in most Domestic Violence Centers, if there were male staff they weren’t allowed to go to women’s homes/apartments unless another staff was notified and it was okay, but I wasn’t ever informed of their ongoing change of policies, because they had the authority to change it whenever they felt like it. I began to notice red flags when he would probe me about my ‘prostitution’ days. He was interested in hearing about my experience and I didn’t want to talk about that. I wanted to talk about my mother. He refused and said I was hiding or denying my pleasure for prostitution, something to that nature. One evening, I was wearing a mini skirt and dressed up to go out, but I had my session with my assigned counselor that evening so I had to see him first. I remember sitting in his office and he was sitting at his desk and he asked me, “How much would it cost to cum in your face?” I was shocked and told him we were done with the session. When I got up to leave, he slammed the door so I couldn’t leave. I was angry. I will never forget the way he looked at me, it was as if he knew I was in a losing battle. No one would believe me over him. I put my faith in the women who were Executives in this nonprofit and sadly, they failed me.
When I reported him to the Executive Director, she asked me “Are you sure?” The same question that had repeated throughout my years of child sexual abuse. “Are you sure?” I knew at that moment, it didn’t matter what I said, they weren’t going to believe me. I did what I thought was best, I contacted an attorney and guess what, the nonprofit was so well known, not one attorney took my case, but this was the town that praised itself for ‘Women’s Rights’! My ASS! I don’t remember how much longer it was, but I do remember being asked to attend a meeting that required my presence. When I saw the lead advocate along with other women in the room, for the first time I felt outnumbered and I felt so empty among these fake ass advocates. They handed me a sheet of paper that they wanted me to sign claiming that I didn’t take my medication so that explained my false allegation against the male therapist. I was so angry, I ripped that paper up in front of them. I do remember it was early November and I hadn’t heard anything from them.
On the morning of Thanksgiving, a note slipped under my apartment door saying I had to leave the premises that night otherwise they would use force to kick me out. Knowing full well who they are and the powers they held, I knew I couldn’t fight them. They kicked me out when all resources were limited on Thanksgiving Day and I had a baby, where was I supposed to go? It was freezing outside with snow. WTF? My point is this type of abuse has not stopped. As my advocacy for victims and survivors continued, I would constantly receive complaints from them in regards to these allegations of nonprofits who abuse their power to silence their voice. I’ve come up with a solution and that is to create an oversight committee that is unrelated to the nonprofit. There needs to be an unbiased investigation into these charities, it didn’t matter whether they were secular, government or faith based the abuse of power exists in these institutions.
How can we advocate for the voiceless while we saddle on the fence to protect the predators who work to silence them? Who speaks for these victims? Gary Webb, who was a journalist brought up the investigation against the crack cocaine epidemic from the Reagan Administration and was ruled as a ‘suicide’? I personally do not believe his death was of his own. Someone was angry that he brought up a huge deception of our government system and the drug world. He once said, the truth needs to be told no matter how ugly it is. Today, nobody cares about the truth as long as it serves their political purpose, but if it goes against their principal or purpose they will do whatever it takes to slander, smear or make you suddenly disappear. You think Esptein killed himself? Do your OWN research and quit relying on ‘Google, Washington Post, FOX, MSNBC, CNN any of those, they are all unbiased. I’m going to stop here. Thank you.
Always,
Me
If you or someone you know have been abused in a charity, nonprofit or a ministry, you can send your story anonymously to: chong@iamchongkim.com I am here to listen.
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